Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
