apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
