If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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