did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
