I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
