fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
