I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
