Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
