The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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