Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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