I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
