She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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