pedialite and red bull = repair kit
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
