My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
