we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
