I swear she didn't look like that last week.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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