I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I need water and some morals
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
