You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
