I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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