he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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