Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
