Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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