I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Randomize
