Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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