God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
