So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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