Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
