Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
