just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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