I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
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