SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
