Having a random hookup so left but love u
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
