Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize