oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
