My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
