In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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