so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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