In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Green mimosas i think yes
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize