I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
