omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
