you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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