I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
