I think I died a long time ago.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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