My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize