gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
