am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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