I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Randomize
