6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
