apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
