And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
