4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
