My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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