If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
