Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It's shark week go big or go home
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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