Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
