HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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