a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
my liver is dry heaving
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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