you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
