escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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