Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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