I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
