We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
