Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
