If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
