Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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