So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize