why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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