Just cropdusted the office
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
