So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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