Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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