I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
