She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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