Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
