I'm really into asian looking animals
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
