the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
