apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
