Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My dick has a subreddit
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
