I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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