The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
