toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Randomize
