In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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