If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
